The Onion Presents: A Historic Cinematic Night Of Film At The Movies

America's Finest News Source is proud to resuscitate the dying medium of film with a double-feature presentation beginning with their latest investigative documentary.

Featuring never-before-seen interviews and footage, Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile succeeds where hundreds of previous documentaries have failed, finally uncovering the truth behind one of America's most notorious sex perverts.

As an added bonus feature, watch what happens when six sexy singles share one house with the sole purpose of having sex with each other. It's Sex House, the highly influential reality series, like you've never seen it before: on the big screen.

It's an unforgettable, thought-provoking night of films at the movies that is sure to be enjoyed by both hardcore cinephiles and theater masturbators alike.

Contact: jeffreyepstein@theonion.com